


EPISODE THREE: "I Want To Feel Real Again"

by gaypetersimmonds



Series: Skam Brighton: Season Three [4]
Category: Original Work, SKAM (Norway)
Genre: (it's all you wanna do from six), Canon Autistic Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Gay Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Trans Character, Episode 3, F/F, Gen, SKAM Season 3, also jake reads a poem that mentions death, discussions of sexuality!!1, girl squad rights, okay lads tw for mentions/references to sexual assault and pedophilia through song, other than that get ready for some cliche shit!, there's a tiny hint of biphobia but it gets called out and resolved, transphobia exists in the gay community!! it's bad!!!, tw for a little bit of racism and misgendering, tw for some mild transphobia in clip 4, tw for some transphobia from ellie at the beginning of clip five!!!, welcome to my intricate rituals to give british theatre kid rep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-12-24 02:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21091823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds
Summary: Jake Love is tired. Tired of pretending that he likes his friends, that he doesn’t like his ex-friends. Tired of pretending that he likes girls. But he's happy enough to sleep through life.That is, until he gets a wake up call from the new guy at school.As they become closer friends, Jake’s worries get higher and higher, and he’s going to do whatever he can not to fall.FIRST CLIP: "You Have To Make Her Think You Don’t Want Her"





	1. CLIP ONE: "You Have To Make Her Think You Don’t Want Her"

**SATURDAY, 19TH OCTOBER, 13:3O**

EXT. FOOTBALL PITCH, NEXT TO THE PARK

_“Highway To Hell” by AC/DC_ plays over a football game already in motion. JAKE stands in the net, paying close attention as the rest of the team run past in slow motion. He pays a bit more attention to their bodies than he does to the actual game - already bored of it.

BRYAN kicks the ball to CHRIS, who starts to run towards JAKE, who, as we return to normal speed, stands up straighter, getting ready. CHRIS passes the ball to TAI, who kicks it hard at JAKE, who  tries to save the ball by sticking his arm out to block it, but the ball just hits his arm and bounces back into the net, JAKE groaning and grabbing his arm as people run over to him.

TAI  
Fuck, sorry! Take a time out, guys!

BRYAN  
We’ll give him a hand, Thailand.

TAI  
I’m literally Filipino.

BRYAN  
Just a joke, mate.

TAI  
Yeah, just like your football career.

RORY helps JAKE off of the field, as BRYAN jogs after them, angry. They stand on the side, the guys on the field grouping in the centre.

BRYAN  
He’s such a dick.

JAKE  
Isn’t that kind of bad to say? You know, ‘cause he’s… 

BRYAN  
Trans people can be dicks. Jesus, Jacob, you’re such a fucking transphobe.

RORY  
Okay, I don’t like this conversation, so I’m just gonna say: I’m pretty sure Lisa McGinty was about to hook up with me last night.

BRYAN  
In your dreams!

RORY  
Seriously! She was looking at me and talking to me--

JAKE  
Wow, no girl’s ever done that before!

RORY  
Fuck off! I know she likes me.

BRYAN  
And Jakey, I saw you with a certain someone last night…

JAKE  
Shut up.

BRYAN  
Is she your girlfriend now or what?

JAKE  
Yeah, I guess.

BRYAN  
Do you think you can get her to get her friend to hook up with me again? She was really hot.

JAKE  
Seriously?

BRYAN  
Yeah! It’ll be great, come on, she’s really good with her hands.

RORY  
Go jerk off somewhere else, Bryan.

BRYAN  
Fuck you.

RORY’s phone rings and he takes it out of his pocket.

RORY  
One sec, I gotta take this.

He answers his phone and starts to walk away.

RORY  
Nick? The fuck do you  _ mean  _ you  _ lost  _ the cocaine?

BRYAN snatches JAKE’s phone from him and runs away quickly, JAKE sighing.

JAKE  
What the hell are you doing?

BRYAN types something into JAKE’s phone as JAKE sighs, not bothering to stop him. BRYAN hands JAKE his phone back, with a grin.

JAKE  
“Hey baby--” I would never say baby.

BRYAN  
Girls like it!

JAKE rolls his eyes and keeps reading.

JAKE  
“Me and my mates are going to a party tonight, if you wanna tag along.” That seems kind of rude. And I didn’t even say I was going to that part--

BRYAN  
You have to make her think you don’t want her! Then she’ll want you more.

JAKE  
That makes no fucking sense.

BRYAN  
_ Girls  _ make no fucking sense, my man.

JAKE shrugs like “fair enough”, as BRYAN takes a drink of water. 

JAKE makes sure he isn’t looking as he sends ELEANOR another text saying “You can invite Alistair if you want to. He’s pretty cool.”

He gets an almost immediate reply of “No.” followed by: “Ali doesn’t do parties. She says they make her nervous. But I’m totally good to go ;)”

He sighs, frowning as he reads it.

BRYAN [O.S.]  
Did she say no?

JAKE  
[non-committal] No, no, she’s coming, I was just… My mum.

BRYAN [O.S.]  
Wow, I’m gonna have a heart attack from the shock.

JAKE manages to force a laugh, putting his phone back where it was, wishing he could just go home already.

GUY [O.S.]  
Smythe! Love! Harsgrove! Get your arses over here!

The boys run back onto the field, JAKE getting back into the goal as everyone else goes to the middle of the field. He's alone.


	2. CLIP TWO: "Position On The Kinsey Scale"

**MONDAY, 21ST OCTOBER, 15:13**

INT. DRAMA CLASSROOM

The GIRL SQUAD sits in a circle on the desks, already mid-conversation, JAKE watching them through the door, unsure if he should come in or not.

ESTHER  
I’m just saying Les Mis isn’t that good.

LIZ  
It’s a classic!

SANDY  
And it’s pretty long and boring, no offence, Liz.

LIZ

True, but the songs are good!

BRIANNA  
Like, five of them.

RORI  
But the five are really good!

BRIANNA  
True.

JAKE walks into the room and they go silent for a while. He nervously laughs.

JAKE  
Did I get the wrong room?

RORI  
No, no, thanks for coming!

JAKE  
Yeah, thanks for getting me out a bit early.

BRIANNA waves sarcastically at him, as he sits down in a chair near them. There’s an awkward silence for a moment.

JAKE  
So, how’s everyone?

RORI  
Good!

There’s a pause, no one really wanting to speak.

SANDY  
I’m fine.

JAKE  
That’s good.

SANDY  
Yeah… 

There’s another pause, no one quite knowing what to say.

LIZ  
So, um, the plan is to organise a talent show for around December time. Since we can’t do a show, it’s the best option. We’ll hold auditions some time next month and James says he can get the art students to help with some posters for advertising.

BRIANNA  
Thanks, straightie.

LIZ  
Brianna!

BRIANNA laughs and SANDY nervously leans forward, JAKE watching them intently.

SANDY  
Liz?

LIZ  
Yeah?

SANDY  
Are… you straight? I mean, you’ve been dating James for a while now, and--

LIZ  
Just because I’m dating James doesn’t mean I’m not bi.

BRIANNA  
Hell yeah, Liz.

LIZ  
Our position on the Kinsey scale doesn’t change depending on who we’re currently with.

SANDY  
Okay, I’m sorry, I was just wondering.

LIZ  
Why?

SANDY  
I wanted to know more about it and the internet’s usually a bitch about it.

LIZ and BRIANNA nod like “fair” as ESTHER shifts in her seat, waiting to talk.

RORI  
Oh, Liz, are we still on to go to Terre A Terre after?

LIZ  
Yeah, absolutely.

RORI  
Good, I need it.

LIZ smiles and leans into RORI, giving her a light hug.

ESTHER sighs, tapping her pen against the table rapidly as JAKE raises his hand awkwardly. The GIRL SQUAD look at him, just remembering that he's still there.

JAKE  
Guys, I think Esther wants to talk.

ESTHER  
Thanks Jack.

JAKE  
We’ve been going to school together for a year now, I’m pretty sure you know my name.

ESTHER  
Okay Jack. Anyways, the posters sound good, but we need variety, we can’t just have all girls singing the same three songs.

The GIRL SQUAD nod, and JAKE nods along after seeing them all do it.

ESTHER  
So, ask around, spread the word, put it on Insta or whatever you teens do.

RORI  
Thanks Mum.

ESTHER  
You’re welcome. Now, we have to discuss dates, style of the poster, who’s going to judge, how it’s going to be laid out, all of the details. Now, I think we should go for a purple theme.

SANDY  
Purple’s a nice colour.

ESTHER  
Thank you!

JAKE raises his hand again.

JAKE  
Yellow goes good with it, I remember from art.

BRIANNA  
The important thing is picking the right name.

RORI  
Why not just “talent show”?

ESTHER  
Talent night could be fun, we should vote.

LIZ  
Talent night sounds fresh and exciting, but people will still call it the talent show because they do. I think talent night.   


SANDY and BRIANNA nod.

RORI  
Sounds good!

JAKE  
I can put posters around the boys’ toilets and changing rooms if you want.

BRIANNA  
If you need more toilet roll, just use a tissue, paper would hurt more.

JAKE  
[sarcastic] Haha, have you ever considered boys might be interested in this stuff too?

BRIANNA  
Why should we care about men?

The rest of the GIRL SQUAD all nods and make noises of affirmation as JAKE smiles sarcastically, sliding down in his seat as his smile changes into a genuine one.

ESTHER  
I was thinking we could throw a party on Friday to raise awareness.

BRIANNA  
Fuck yeah!

ESTHER  
Like, it’ll be chill, but also cool… I don’t know, I’m not good at that sort of stuff.

SANDY  
My mum’s still out of town, I can host.

ESTHER  
Sandra Dee, you’re the best.

SANDY smiles as ESTHER kisses her cheek. JAKE smiles too, watching with a hint of jealousy and longing to be as comfortable as they are.

ESTHER  
Okay, onto the colour of the background for the stage… 


	3. CLIP THREE: "You Have A Girlfriend Now"

**WEDNESDAY, 23RD OCTOBER, 14:08**

INT. GYMNASIUM, BACA

_“All You Wanna Do (Sing-A-Long)” by Six_ plays as we watch a group of GIRLS, with ELEANOR in the middle, dance and sing.

GIRLS  
_ All you wanna do  
_ _ All you wanna do baby _

ELEANOR  
_ I think we can all agree I'm a ten amongst these threes _

We see BRYAN, RORY and JAKE sitting on a wall across from the dancers, BRYAN and RORY watching them with great interest, JAKE looking interested too.

GIRLS  
_ All you wanna do  
_ _ All you wanna do baby _

ALISTAIR’s standing in front of the GIRLS, his back to the camera, watching them, standing confidently as ELEANOR flips her hair and winks at JAKE, who waves back.

ELEANOR  
_ And ever since I was a child I'd make the boys go wild _

GIRLS  
_ All you wanna do  
_ _ All you wanna do baby _

ELEANOR  
Take my first music teacher, Henry Mannox  
_ I was young it's true but even then I knew  
_The only thing you wanna to do is… 

ELEANOR blows a kiss and sighs, as a boy - KEVIN - walks up, trying to dance with ELEANOR but he’s far too awkward and self conscious. He’s almost afraid to touch her, BRYAN and RORY stifling their laughter at him.

ELEANOR  
_Broad, dark, sexy Mannox_  
_ Taught me all about dynamics_  
_ He was twenty three  
And I was thirteen going on--_

ALISTAIR  
Stop! Please, please, just… 

They all stop dancing and ALISTAIR pauses the backing track, rolling his eyes.

ALISTAIR  
Girls, you’re all doing amazing on the moves, keep it up, and keep working on those harmonies. Eleanor, singing’s amazing, but remember you have to dance too. And act.

ELEANOR rolls her eyes and whispers something to KAYLA, who laughs. ALISTAIR sees, but chooses to ignore it.

ALISTAIR  
Kevin, try to have fun, at least. Even if you can’t dance or sing, please stop looking like someone’s forcing you to be here.

KEVIN  
But I _am_ being forced to be here.

ALISTAIR  
You’re an actor now! Just go with it!

KEVIN  
Ellie’s my cousin!

ALISTAIR  
Well, apparently there’s no other guys in this company who can dance well enough.

ELEANOR rolls her eyes, some of the GIRLS in the back looking bored, clearly having heard this before as JAKE watches, leaning forward.

ELEANOR  
Can we please keep rehearsing? It’s hard enough that we rarely have frees all together…

ALISTAIR  
Yes, Ellie. Okay, let’s take it from the last chorus.

KEVIN  
No way!

ALISTAIR

Kevin, you have to do this. I can't re-choreograph this _again_.

ELEANOR  
Why don't you dance the guy part, Ali?

ALISTAIR  
What?

ELEANOR shrugs.

ELEANOR  
Just to show us how it's done.

ALISTAIR looks at KEVIN, who shrugs, and ALISTAIR nods.

ALISTAIR  
Okay.

KEVIN smiles gratefully and sits down where ALISTAIR was standing. ALISTAIR fast forwards the track on his phone.

ALISTAIR  
Last pre-chorus, from “this guy”, okay?

The GIRLS nod and get into position, as ALISTAIR takes off his jacket and hits play, starting to dance effortlessly with ELEANOR, showing her up as she tries to sing louder. BRYAN and RORY are still staring at the GIRLS, as JAKE is now taken by ALISTAIR, whose confident smile is convincing everyone.

ELEANOR  
_ This guy finally  
_ _ Is what I want, the friend I need _

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
_ Just mates, no chemistry _

ELEANOR holds ALISTAIR in a close position for a moment longer than needed.

ELEANOR  
_I get him and he gets me_  
_ And there's nothing more to it_  
_ He just cares so much he's devoted  
He says _

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
_ We have a connection… _

ALISTAIR grins at her, like he’s about to eat her. She smiles at him, but quickly gets back into character. JAKE can’t look away.

ELEANOR  
_ I thought this time was different  
_ _ Why did I think he'd be different? _

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
_ But it's never, ever different _

ELEANOR tries to do excessive riffs over the top of ALISTAIR’s voice, but ends up tripping over her own feet and stumbles into KAYLA, who helps her back up.

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
_ 'Cause all you/I wanna do  
_ _ All you/I wanna do baby _

ELEANOR  
_ Is touch me, when will enough be enough, see? _

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
_ 'Cause all you/I wanna do  
_ _ All you/I wanna do baby _

ALISTAIR pushes ELEANOR around, trying to get some more emotion out of her, but it doesn't work. She sings as blandly as ever, as the GIRLS catch her, ALISTAIR laughing like it’s some game. BRYAN and RORY are still smiling, not catching on.

ELEANOR  
_ Squeeze me, don't care if you don't please me _

ALISTAIR spins ELEANOR around to face the "audience", holding her by the hair.

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
_ Bite my/your lip and pull my/your hair _

ELEANOR  
_ As you tell me _

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
_ I'm/You’re the fairest of the fair _

ALISTAIR pushes ELEANOR to the ground, the GIRLS catching her, as ALISTAIR stands over her.

ALISTAIR  
_ Playtime’s over _

ALISTAIR and GIRLS  
_ Playtime’s over _

ELEANOR gets up and starts to back away from him as he approaches her.

ALISTAIR, GIRLS and ELEANOR  
_ Playtime’s over _

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
_The only thing_  
_ The only thing  
The only thing you/I wanna do is… _

ALISTAIR dips ELEANOR, kisses her, and then pushes her away, as she stands up, ALISTAIR walking away. The song has ended, and KEVIN applauds awkwardly. ALISTAIR turns around, facing the GIRLS, exasperated, a hand on his hip.

ALISTAIR  
Ellie. This is a group number, not a solo. Please try and focus, this is competition material.

ELEANOR looks down, pouting.

ELEANOR  
I am focusing, sorry. It’s just so hard, with all of the stress and anxiety and--

ALISTAIR reaches out to her, touching her arm, making her smile.

ALISTAIR  
It’s-- It’s fine, it’s so fine, it’s-- You know what? Let’s just… I think we should take five, yes?

The GIRLS all nod and sit down on the ground, beginning to talk amongst themselves, KEVIN going over to join them. JAKE, BRYAN and RORY watch as ALISTAIR remains standing, walking over to the left.

BRYAN  
Well… Let’s just say I’m glad when they close their mouths, but damn… 

RORY  
If they do this every week, I’m gonna need constant access to the school showers.

JAKE laughs a little, finally looking away from ALISTAIR.

JAKE  
Jesus, you two are disgusting.

BRYAN  
Yeah, yeah, just because you have a girlfriend now… 

ELEANOR looks back at JAKE and waves again. He smiles back as BRYAN laughs.

JAKE  
Shut up.

RORY  
Wish I had a girlfriend like that.

ALISTAIR walks up to them, holding a black and white letterman jacket, as BRYAN and RORY exchange looks of “what the hell is he doing?”.

ALISTAIR  
Hi. Are you enjoying the rehearsal?

RORY  
Boy, are we!

ALISTAIR smiles fakely at him and turns to JAKE.

ALISTAIR  
You forgot this.

He hands him the jacket, as BRYAN looks at him suspiciously.

BRYAN  
How’d you get it?

ALISTAIR  
He left it at the theatre club? On Friday? I picked it up, you know, didn’t want it to get stolen.

BRYAN  
Hmm…

There’s an awkward pause, JAKE trying to find something to say.

JAKE  
Uh, thanks dude.

ALISTAIR  
You’re welcome... Bro.

The word sounds weird leaving ALISTAIR’s mouth and he realises that, awkwardly laughing as he starts to walk away. JAKE stands up and runs after him, catching up to him.

JAKE  
You’re, um, you’re Ellie’s friend, right?

ALISTAIR raises his eyebrows, laughing a little.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah?

JAKE  
I want to get her something. Could-- Could I get your number so I can have your opinion?

ALISTAIR looks over at BRYAN and RORY, then back to JAKE. JAKE bites his lip, nervously tapping his fingers against his legs. ALISTAIR smiles and gets out his phone.

ALISTAIR  
Sure.

ALISTAIR takes a red pen out of his pocket and writes the number from his phone onto the palm of JAKE’s hand, JAKE holding a breath as he touches him.

JAKE  
Thanks.

JAKE looks over at BRYAN and RORY, who are hiding their laughter.

JAKE  
See you around, mate.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah. See you, _mate_.

ALISTAIR quickly walks over to KAYLA, who puts her arm around him as he sits down, JAKE sitting back down with BRYAN and RORY at the same time.

BRYAN  
Dude, what the fuck was that?

JAKE  
I don’t know.

BRYAN  
Who even is that?

JAKE  
Some guy Ellie's friends with, I don’t know.

BRYAN  
Weirdo... But now I do see the perks of being into theatre.

He nods at ALISTAIR and KAYLA, laughing over some joke we can't hear.

BRYAN  
See, he's with my girl.

JAKE  
She's literally not even your girl.

BRYAN  
She will be.

JAKE  
Jesus Christ, Bryan, you sound like you're gonna kill her.

BRYAN  
No, seriously, look at him. He looks gayer than Alan Carr and he still has all of these girls all over him. It's ridiculous.

JAKE rolls his eyes.

JAKE  
He's not gay.

RORY  
Jake, don't be a homophobe, it's 2019. And you do have eyes, right?

JAKE scoffs, gesturing at ALISTAIR and KAYLA.

JAKE  
He’s literally, like, cuddling a girl right now.

RORY  
Yeah. Sandy cuddled Bryan last year and she's cuddling with Esther Montner now.

BRYAN  
Shut up, Rory! 

RORY and JAKE both laugh, BRYAN folding his arms, looking pissed off. JAKE looks ahead and watches ALISTAIR kiss KAYLA's hand, both of them laughing a little. He looks over at BRYAN, who's too busy huffing to notice, and JAKE rubs the edges of his jacket, putting it back on. As he adjusts the collar, he accidentally smells it. He smiles a little, trying to make his face more neutral as he looks over at RORY and BRYAN. They're both on their phones. JAKE follows suit, taking his out, uniform with them.


	4. CLIP FOUR: "Desirable/Disgusting"

**THURSDAY, 24TH OCTOBER, 00:43**

INT. JAKE’S BEDROOM

_“Like A Prayer” by Madonna_ plays from another room as JAKE sits on his bed, smoking a joint as he scrolls through his phone. He’s reading all the messages BRYAN and RORY sent two hours before, talking about girls and partying, the words all blurring together.

He scrolls back down to the two of them saying goodnight, him not having said anything.

He goes into his messages with ALISTAIR - the last one being sent 10 minutes ago - with ALISTAIR saying “goodnight jake love, if you don’t sleep soon, i’ll come into your house and make you sleep forever.”

JAKE had responded with “Haha, night Al, sweet dreams.” He takes a drag from the joint and quickly goes out of the messages.

He rubs his temples and goes into the last Google tab he had open: it's a Christina Rossetti poem, which he rereads.

"When I am dead, my dearest,  
Sing no sad songs for me;  
Plant thou no roses at my head,  
Nor shady cypress tree:  
Be the green grass above me  
With showers and dewdrops wet;  
And if thou wilt, remember,  
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,  
I shall not feel the rain;  
I shall not hear the nightingale  
Sing on, as if in pain:  
And dreaming through the twilight  
That doth not rise nor set,  
Haply I may remember,  
And haply may forget."

JAKE looks over it again and again. He isn't fluent in the language, but he can try to understand. What he can't understand is the feelings he feels as he reads it, unable to look anywhere else in his room.

He goes out of the tab, and looks at his lock screen - a picture of all of his pets together. He looks down at the foot of his bed, where DOG the cat is. He smiles a little, as DOG continues to sleep. He then looks over at his desk chair, where his letterman jacket is. He bites his lip, looking back down at his phone.

He goes into an incognito tab and searches “How to know if you’re gay”. He clicks on an NHS article called “Am I gay, lesbian or bisexual?”. He scrolls through it for a while, reading it, bored. He sees the word “transsexual” and grimaces, scrolling faster to the end.

He reads a paragraph saying: “You don't choose your sexuality, it chooses you. Nobody knows what makes people gay, lesbian, bisexual or transsexual. Whatever your sexuality, you deserve to be with someone you love.”

He bites his lip and looks around, as if expecting to see someone spying on him, but he’s completely alone. He isn't sure if that's a good thing.

He goes out of that tab and then slowly searches “Am I gay test” and quickly clicks on the first option.

The first question is “What do you think you are?” and his finger hovers over “Don’t know”, before selecting “straight”.

The next question is “What do you want to be?”. He quickly selects “Definitely straight” and continues taking the quiz.

A question says “Have you ever found yourself staring at someone of the same sex you find really cute or good-looking?”. He reads over the options and sees one saying “Yes, but they are often transvestite”. He angrily presses the other “Yes” and then gasps sharply, realising what he has done. He can't undo it. He can't undo any of this.

The next question says “Have you ever found yourself staring at someone of the opposite sex you find really cute or good looking?”. He bites his lip again, and goes out of that test.

He searches “Kinsey scale test” and selects the first result. The first questions says “Who are you most attracted to?” and JAKE selects “Members of the opposite sex”. He keeps selecting that option until he gets to a question that says “The idea of having sex with someone of the opposite sex as mine is…”

He remains expressionless and selects “desirable”. The next question says “The idea of having sex with someone of the same sex as mine is…”

He pauses for a moment, closes his eyes tightly and selects “disgusting”. He selects finished and gets his results: “Exclusively heterosexual”.

He turns his phone off, leaning his head against his wall, staring emotionlessly at the ceiling. He doesn't look empty, but he doesn't look full. He just looks tired. Outside, the song continues in the background, CHRISTINE beginning to sing along.

CHRISTINE [O.S.]  
__ Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone  
_ I hear you call my name  
_ __ And it feels like--


	5. CLIP FIVE: "It'll Be Our Little Secret"

**FRIDAY, 25TH OCTOBER, 20:33**

_“I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Fall Out Boy_ plays as we get shots of a neighbourhood, before landing on SANDY's house.

INT. LIVING ROOM, SANDY’S HOUSE

The song continues as we see the GIRL SQUAD laughing together, BRIANNA, RORI and SANDY drinking as ESTHER and LIZ dance together, spinning each other around.

JAMES, NICK, THEO, JORDAN, WREN and VARIOUS OTHER PEOPLE all mill around, drinking, having fun. It's small, but lively.

There's a poster for the talent night on the wall, purple and yellow. It's nice enough, nothing too extreme. WREN's name is in the corner, as the artist.

ELEANOR and JAKE stand in a corner, both of them with a can of beer, JAKE taking a drink, watching the others, wishing he could be anywhere else as ELEANOR speaks.

ELEANOR  
What kind of music do you like?

JAKE  
What?

ELEANOR  
[louder] What kind of music do you like?

JAKE  
I don’t know… I’m pretty into Hozier right now.

ELEANOR  
Cool. I only really listen to musicals, so…

JAKE  
Yeah! Yeah, I’ve been listening to those too lately. Don’t-- Don’t tell anyone.

ELEANOR giggles, taking a sip of beer.

ELEANOR  
It’ll be our little secret.

They both laugh a little, awkward. JAKE takes a breath.

JAKE  
I-- I've been listening to Bare a lot lately.

ELEANOR  
Oh. That's Ali's favourite, she's always going on about it. I haven't seen it, so…

JAKE  
Yeah…

There’s an awkward silence. JAKE looks away again, watching the door for a few seconds, until it opens and ALISTAIR enters, looking nervous. ESTHER runs over and hugs him.

ESTHER  
Al! So glad you could make it, come in!

ESTHER walks ALISTAIR over to the GIRL SQUAD, who all greet him, except for BRIANNA who walks away, as ELEANOR pulls JAKE in and kisses him, JAKE pulling away and forcing out a laugh.

JAKE  
Give a guy a bit of warning.

ELEANOR  
Come on, she’s still looking.

JAKE  
Wh--

ELEANOR pulls him in for another kiss, JAKE’s eyes wide open as he stares at the wall in front of him. He pushes her away.

JAKE  
What was that for?

ELEANOR shrugs, looking almost ashamed as she looks behind JAKE. He turns around to see ALISTAIR dancing enthusiastically with LIZ, ESTHER, RORI and SANDY, all of them singing loudly and badly along to the song. ALISTAIR spins RORI around and she laughs, him smiling at her.

ELEANOR  
Honestly, who does she think she is?

JAKE  
Rori?

ELEANOR  
No, Ali, Jesus… She’s been acting so uppity ever since she got put in as Jeremy in the show last year. Honestly, I think it’s because people just started going along with the whole trans thing.

JAKE frowns at her as she rolls her eyes.

ELEANOR  
She says she’s a guy now. And just-- Ugh, I mean, look at her.

They look over at ALISTAIR, who is now shimmying in perfect time with ESTHER, who has her arm around him.

JAKE  
I… Do you have a _problem_ with trans people?

ELEANOR  
No, don’t be ridiculous! I just know Ali. She always has phases like these, it’s just her way of doing things. She gets obsessed for a while and then drops it like she never knew what it was. She did it with clothes, Harry Potter, Catholicism... She’s crazy like that…

JAKE nods, looking back to ELEANOR.

JAKE  
Do you... _like_ Al?

ELEANOR doesn’t answer, nervously laughing.

JAKE  
It’s okay if you do. I only do hookups anyway.

There’s a pause, JAKE looking down guiltily.

ELEANOR  
I’m not a lesbian.

JAKE  
Yeah, I guessed.

ELEANOR  
Thanks… I just… I really like her, you know? She’s the first person I came out as pan to and…

JAKE nods, looking away at the wall. He's trying not to look too jealous.

ELEANOR  
I’m sorry.

JAKE  
It’s fine, Ellie. Really.

ELEANOR  
Thanks.

There’s a pause, neither of them knowing what to say.

ELEANOR  
I hate this song.

JAKE  
Okay.

There’s another, longer, awkwarder pause, the song ending as ALISTAIR and ESTHER run to the front of the room, turning off the phone playing the music. JAKE and ELEANOR turn to them.

ESTHER  
Guys! We wanna do a bit of karaoke, is that cool?

There’s cheers from the people there, NICK and JAMES whooping loudly with their arms around each other. ELEANOR politely applauds as JAKE awkwardly smiles, nodding his head.

ESTHER scrolls through the phone and begins to play the instrumental of _“Don’t You Want Me?” by The Human League_, everyone cheering and beginning to clap along as ALISTAIR spins ESTHER around, both of them laughing. JAKE looks down, fiddling with his hands.

ELEANOR pulls JAKE towards the middle of the room, pushing past people so they can stand in front of ALISTAIR as he begins to sing, his voice sort of muffled by the instrumental.

ALISTAIR  
_ You were workin' as a waitress in a cocktail bar  
_ _ When I met you _

ALISTAIR sways with ESTHER and ELEANOR starts jumping up and down, trying to dance, JAKE awkwardly stepping side to side next to her, trying to avoid looking at ALISTAIR.

ALISTAIR  
I picked you out, I shook you up and turned you around  
Turned you into someone new  
_ Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet  
_Success has been so easy for you

ELEANOR stops jumping and starts to make out with JAKE, who looks uncomfortably ahead, slowly spinning around to face ALISTAIR.

ALISTAIR  
_ But don't forget, it's me who put you where you are now  
_ _ And I can put you back down too _

ALISTAIR looks JAKE dead in the eyes and smiles.

ALISTAIR  
_ Don't, don't you want me?  
_ _ You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me _

JAKE’s eyes widen and ALISTAIR shrugs, almost shy.

ALISTAIR  
_ Don't, don't you want me?  
_ _ You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me _

NICK pushes past JAKE and ELEANOR, pushing them apart, making ELEANOR yelp, pissed off. She shakes herself and starts to dance again, JAKE resuming his awkward semi-dance, still looking at ALISTAIR.

ALISTAIR and ESTHER  
It's much too late to find  
_ You think you've changed your mind  
_You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry

ALISTAIR, ESTHER and PEOPLE IN THE CROWD  
Don't you want me, baby?  
Don't you want me, ohh?  
_ Don't you want me, baby?  
_Don't you want me, ohh?

ALISTAIR raises his eyebrows at JAKE, challenging him, as we cut ahead in time, _“Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga_ playing as the crowd continues to dance, a bit more sparsely populated. JAKE watches, sitting alone on the sofa, nursing a beer.

He watches ELEANOR talk to KAYLA and some other THEATRE GIRLS at the side of the room. She doesn’t spare a glance his way, and he doesn't look too annoyed by it. He just looks around, emotionless, empty.

He watches as ESTHER spins SANDY around, both of them laughing. SANDY locks eyes with JAKE, and he quickly looks down, looking at the wall. He sees BRIANNA and RORI kissing, RORI with her hands in BRIANNA’s hair.

There’s a cough from behind him. He turns quickly around and sees SOPHIE, who shakes her head at him, looking annoyed. He smiles awkwardly, trying to look sorry, but he doesn’t really know what for.

He sighs, looking around at everyone else talking. He can’t see ALISTAIR anywhere, and no one’s bothering to look his way. He looks down, lonely, and takes a swig of beer.

NICK [O.S.]  
‘Sup Lovey?

NICK sits beside him, putting his arm around him, as JAMES and THEO sit on the other side of JAKE.

JAKE  
Hey guys.

NICK  
What’re you doing all on your lonesome?

JAKE  
Just…

He shrugs, trailing off.

JAMES  
Well, now we’re here, and you have to put up with us. [turns to NICK] Mate, when’s the next time you’re going to be getting GHB in?

NICK  
Next week, I think.

JAMES  
Fuck, I could really use some.

THEO  
Exams?

JAMES and NICK gasp and THEO covers his mouth.

THEO  
I’m so sorry for uttering the forbidden word.

NICK  
Yeah, you should be. Bitch.

JAMES  
Fuck, seriously, between work and this, I’m going fucking jump off a cliff.

NICK  
I keep saying I can hook you up with a job.

JAMES motions up and down himself.

JAMES  
Don’t think so.

THEO  
I’ll pay you to do my homework. Oh, wait, you’re an idiot.

JAMES  
Haha, joke’s on you, I don’t even do my own. And just you wait until next time you forget to prepare for Yom Kippur, then you’ll see.

THEO flips him off, as NICK looks at BRIANNA and RORI. JAKE follows his gaze.

NICK  
Do you think she’s gay?

JAKE  
Why would I know?

NICK looks him up and down.

NICK  
Good point. Do you think she’s straight then?

JAKE  
Well, with her tongue down Brianna’s throat…

JAMES  
She seemed pretty straight when we were together.

NICK rolls his eyes.

NICK  
We get it, you two fucked!

JAMES  
Sorry, can’t escape my sexual prowess.

THEO snorts and JAMES flips him off.

JAKE  
You two fucked?

JAMES  
Yeah, didn’t you know?

JAKE shrugs.

JAKE  
Must've escaped your sexual prowess.

NICK, THEO and JAMES laughs, JAKE smiling, laughing a bit too.

THEO  
Seriously though, you can’t not pay attention to this man’s dick, it’s everywhere.

JAMES  
Do you have a problem with my dick?

THEO  
Yeah. 'Cause you never let me have it.

JAMES and THEO burst into laughter, NICK joining in. JAKE tries, but it’s more obvious that he doesn't understand what that means.

JAKE  
What’s the joke?

JAMES and THEO exchange a look, and JAMES slightly shakes his head at THEO.

THEO  
Just an inside joke.

JAKE  
Oh. Okay.

There’s an awkward silence, all of them drinking as the party continue around them. NICK grins suddenly and they all turn to him.

NICK  
Let’s play truth of dare?

JAKE  
What?

NICK stands up in the sofa, SANDY wincing as he does.

NICK  
Yo! Let’s play truth or dare, bitches!

The crowd cheers, JAMES and THEO standing up too. JAKE starts to whoop along with them, standing up. JAMES puts his arm around JAKE and claps his shoulder, JAKE smiling more genuinely.

We cut ahead in time, and we see EVERYONE at the party sitting in a circle on the floor, the coffee table pushed to the wall as they all chant “chug” at LIZ downing some sort of drink in a cup. She finishes it and holds it upside down, nothing coming out. Everyone cheers as she sits back down next to JAMES and RORI, BRIANNA reaches over to pat her on the back.

LIZ  
Okay, okay, okay, thank you. Uh…

She looks around the room, trying to find someone to pick. JAKE leans back, trying to fade into the background. LIZ smiles.

LIZ  
Nickolai Christian Braxton.

NICK smiles, pointing at himself and LIZ nods, wiping her mouth.

LIZ  
Truth or dare?

NICK  
Hmm… Truth!

JAKE looks at him with surprise and NICK laughs.

NICK  
Weren’t expecting that, were you?

He winks as LIZ pauses for a moment, stroking her chin in dramatised thought.

LIZ  
Do you really want to fuck my dad or is that just a joke?

NICK, and a few other people, laugh as JAMES looks at him, his brow furrowed.

JAMES  
How’d you know her dad?

NICK  
Our parents are mates, chill, we’re not fucking. And to answer your question, Liz dearest, yes. He is an objectively attractive man. His personality, though, has waves of yours, so I would never date him.

LIZ  
Bastard!

NICK laughs, leaning into BRIANNA as she takes a swig of beer, JAKE once again leaning back as NICK scans the room.

NICK looks at JAKE and JAKE tries to subtly shake his head. NICK smiles widely anyway.

NICK  
Jacob.

Everyone looks at JAKE, who nervously laughs.

NICK  
Jacob, what fate do you choose?

JAKE looks at ALISTAIR, who smiles encouragingly at him.

JAKE  
Dare.

Everyone “ooh”s and NICK laughs mock-evilly, and JAKE immediately regrets choosing this.

NICK  
Okay, okay, what _ shall _ I do with you?

NICK looks all around the room, JAKE shifting uncomfortably.

NICK  
I dare you to kiss the hottest guy in the room. Note how I say “guy”, not girl or person. _ Guy _.

JAKE  
[laughing nervously] You—- You can’t make me do that, come on. The ladies are already desperate for me, you don’t want to add anyone else.

SOPHIE  
Trust me, they’re not.

NICK  
Why not, Jacob? It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a _dare_.

JAKE sighs, looking around the room quickly, scanning everyone who’s there.

BRIANNA  
Come on, just do it. It’ll be a laugh.

EVERYONE  
Yeah!/Yeah, come on!/Don’t be a spoil sport/etc.

WREN  
Guys, he doesn’t have to.

JORDAN  
Come on, it’s only a game, Wren. Just do it, Jake.

JAKE  
Okay, okay, Jesus… But it doesn’t leave this room.

Everyone cheers as JAKE looks around the circle, his gaze lingering on ALISTAIR for a bit too long.

JAKE  
Al, if you’re up for it?

The group cheers, ELEANOR looking at JAKE like “what the fuck?” as KAYLA shakes ALISTAIR’s shoulder, laughing.

NICK [O.S.]  
I’m so sad it isn’t me.

JAMES [O.S.]  
Oh, I'm going cry about it, bro.

JAKE rolls his eyes and looks at ALISTAIR, who shrugs, laughing nervously.

ALISTAIR  
It’s—- It’s just a dare, right?

JAKE nods, and they start to crawl towards each other, the group whispering and laughing as they do. They reach each other and pause for an awkward moment.

ALISTAIR  
So… What do we do?

JAKE  
I don’t know.

ALISTAIR  
Kiss, I guess.

JAKE laughs a little, nervous but a bit relieved to see how nervous ALISTAIR is.

ESTHER [O.S.]  
Just kiss already, Jesus…

ALISTAIR leans in and quickly kisses him, their lips barely touching for a millisecond, JAKE’s eyes wide the entire time.

NICK [O.S.]  
Come on, that wasn’t even a real kiss!

JAKE rolls his eyes and leans in again, not kissing him, but close enough so no one else can hear him.

JAKE  
[whispers] Is this okay?

ALISTAIR  
[whispers] As long as it’s okay for you.

JAKE nods slightly, and kisses him properly, tenderly, his eyes closed, lingering for a good few seconds before pulling away, the crowd cheering. JAKE laughs, trying to put some bravado on.

JAKE  
That real enough for you?

ALISTAIR quickly crawls back to his seat. He pauses for a moment, pulls his phone out of his pocket and looks down at it, JAKE not moving and watching him the whole time.

ALISTAIR  
Shit.

ELEANOR  
What is it?

ALISTAIR  
It’s my mum, I really gotta take this.

He answers his phone and jogs out of the room, the group continuing to chatter among themselves as JAKE gets up.

RORI  
Jake, it’s your turn.

JAKE  
You can have it, I gotta—- Yeah. See you.

JAKE walks off quickly, overhearing the group.

NICK [O.S.]  
Probably gonna wipe the taste of boy from his mouth.

Everyone laughs and JAKE keeps going, going out a door.

EXT. BACK GARDEN

ALISTAIR paces the garden, breathing heavily as JAKE walks out, closing the door quietly. ALISTAIR sees him and quickly holds his phone to his ear.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, Dad, yeah, I’ll just be a minute.

ALISTAIR "hangs up" and looks at JAKE.

ALISTAIR  
Sorry, my-- My dad was-- Yeah.

JAKE  
You said your mum was calling.

ALISTAIR  
Shit. [nervously laughs] You got me there.

JAKE  
You okay, mate?

ALISTAIR nervously laughs again and JAKE nods, sitting down on the doorstep. He pats the space next to him. ALISTAIR walks over and sits next to him, bouncing his leg.

JAKE  
Do you wanna…

ALISTAIR looks at him like “what?”.

JAKE  
Do you wanna talk about whatever it is?

ALISTAIR  
I don’t know.

There’s a pause, JAKE looking at ALISTAIR as he looks ahead. JAKE's trying to figure out what to say, he's scared of saying the wrong thing.

JAKE  
Was it me?

ALISTAIR  
No, no! I—- I mean… Maybe, I don’t fucking know…

JAKE leans forward, looking at him closer. ALISTAIR turns to him for a moment, and then looks ahead.

ALISTAIR  
It’s just that you’re the first guy…

He trails off, awkward, and JAKE smiles a little, not happy, but trying to get him to smile too.

JAKE  
I mean, I’m not the first guy _ ever _. There’s been others.

ALISTAIR laughs a little, and JAKE's smile gets more real.

ALISTAIR  
I—- I meant like, the first guy I ever…

JAKE  
I mean, it’s not a big deal, right? You’ve kissed plenty of girls before.

ALISTAIR  
They don’t count.

JAKE looks confused.

JAKE  
Why not?

ALISTAIR  
I was acting.

JAKE looks at him and ALISTAIR looks back. JAKE nods, telling him to say more.

ALISTAIR  
Acting isn’t real. When I’m acting, I’m not me, I’m someone else, somewhere else, something else. I’ve never done it as me. Well, not as _ me _ me before.

There’s a pause. JAKE's arm twitches, trying to reach out to him, but JAKE holds himself back.

JAKE  
I’m sorry.

ALISTAIR  
What for? You didn’t do anything wrong.

JAKE  
Just-- I didn’t know that stuff meant something to you.

ALISTAIR sighs, trying to form a response.

ALISTAIR  
What’s your favourite movie?

JAKE  
What?

ALISTAIR looks at him, and JAKE takes a moment to think.

JAKE  
Usually I would say Pulp Fiction or Citizen Kane.

ALISTAIR rolls his eyes, scoffing, more like himself.

ALISTAIR  
That’s what you would say. Come on, your real favourite movie is the movie that makes you happy when you’re sick, the movie you can watch over and over and not get bored.

There’s a pause, ALISTAIR waiting as JAKE tries to stop himself. He sighs, and gives up. 

JAKE  
Promise you won’t tell anyone?

ALISTAIR  
Of course.

JAKE  
I love High School Musical.

ALISTAIR grins, laughing.

JAKE  
Don’t! I’m being serious!

ALISTAIR  
No, no! I’m impressed!

JAKE  
Why?

ALISTAIR  
Well, with your jock exterior, I wouldn’t have taken you for a High School Musical Guy.

JAKE  
Alistair, the movie is all about jocks being allowed to like musical theatre, didn’t you pay attention?

They both laugh, ALISTAIR nodding.

ALISTAIR  
Fair enough, fair enough.

JAKE  
What’s yours, then?

ALISTAIR  
Mine?

JAKE  
Yeah.

ALISTAIR  
I mean… I’m gonna say exactly what you’re expecting, but I love West Side Story. I know the old one with the white-washing bullshit is bad in that way, but I have hopes for the remake and… I just love it so much.

JAKE  
I-- I haven’t seen it.

ALISTAIR  
You should! It’s like Romeo and Juliet, only in the 50’s and with gangs and racism!

JAKE laughs, ALISTAIR joining in.

ALISTAIR  
Not a good pitch, I know.

JAKE  
What is it with you and Romeo and Juliet?

ALISTAIR  
It’s not all Romeo and Juliet! I like Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Rocky Horror, Hairspray, Rent, the professionally shot version of Falsettos, Everybody’s Talking About Jamie - I mean, they all have problematic aspects, definitely, but you know, you can still enjoy things critically…

JAKE smiles, ALISTAIR looking a little embarrassed.

JAKE  
Any non-musical movies?

ALISTAIR  
Films.

JAKE  
[fake-posh voice] Ah! Yes, of course, sir, it must be the highest brow of cinema!

ALISTAIR laughs.

ALISTAIR  
Is it bad if it’s Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet?

JAKE  
Of _ course _ it is!

ALISTAIR  
What can I say? I like a theme.

They both laugh a little more and then trail off.

ALISTAIR  
I also like looking at young Leonardo DiCaprio. Even though he's a pervert.

JAKE looks at him, and ALISTAIR laughs a little.

ALISTAIR  
You do know I’m gay, right?

JAKE shakes his head, laughing nervously.

ALISTAIR  
That’s—- That’s why it’s a big deal. The-- The... You know. With you being a guy and I being me.

JAKE nods, looking away.

ALISTAIR  
I mean, it probably doesn’t count, with it being in front of an audience, and all.

There's a small pause, JAKE looking back at him.

ALISTAIR  
And you being straight, of course.

JAKE  
Yeah…

There’s an awkward silence for a moment, ALISTAIR looking around for something to say.

ALISTAIR  
Do you ever feel like you’re performing all of the time?

JAKE opens his mouth, but ALISTAIR keeps going.

ALISTAIR  
I mean, in this social media obsessed age, we all are, and existing as a human is a performance art, as we can never be truly relaxed around another person, I mean… Shit, sorry, you were gonna say something, what was it?

JAKE laughs, looking back at ALISTAIR fondly. 

JAKE  
We live in a society, huh?

ALISTAIR  
We really do!

JAKE  
But… I get that, you know.

ALISTAIR

Yeah. Which is why I don’t do all of that social media shit.

JAKE  
I know.

ALISTAIR  
What?

JAKE panics, his eyes going wide as he tries to cover up.

JAKE  
I-- I mean, look at you. You’re too hipster.

ALISTAIR laughs, pushing JAKE’s shoulder.

ALISTAIR  
I’m not a hipster, shut up!

JAKE  
Okay Mr Film Man.

ALISTAIR pouts.

ALISTAIR  
That’s mean! When you watch the film I make, then you’ll see.

JAKE  
What’s it gonna be about?

ALISTAIR smiles at JAKE a little too long, his eyes dreamy.

ALISTAIR  
I’m gonna let the universe decide for me.

JAKE raises his eyebrows.

JAKE  
The universe?

ALISTAIR  
Yeah. The universe.

JAKE  
Well, what about you?

ALISTAIR  
What _about_ me?

JAKE  
What do you get to decide?

ALISTAIR briefly looks down at JAKE’s lips, JAKE pretending he didn't notice.

ALISTAIR  
The universe decides that too.

JAKE  
So you don’t control anything?

ALISTAIR  
Well, that depends.

JAKE  
On the universe?

ALISTAIR  
On the universe.

JAKE  
The universe…

He trails off, looking into ALISTAIR’s eyes. All is silent. 

ALISTAIR  
Touch me.

JAKE  
What?

ALISTAIR  
Touch me. I want to feel real again.

JAKE reaches out and sets his hand carefully on top of ALISTAIR’s. ALISTAIR blinks a few times, rapid, and looks a bit more put together.

ALISTAIR  
Sorry, I just-- I spaced out, I needed some, you know, contact, snap me back, sorry.

JAKE  
It’s fine. I don’t mind.

ALISTAIR  
You don’t?

JAKE  
Why would I?

There’s a pause, the two of them looking at each other again.

JAKE  
Al?

ALISTAIR  
Yeah?

JAKE  
When I kissed you… 

ALISTAIR  
Yeah?

JAKE  
I-- 

JAKE looks down and sees that their hands are still touching. He yanks his away and nervously laughs.

JAKE  
I mean-- It’s kind of hard, you know? To… explain.

ALISTAIR nods, and the door flings open behind them, SANDY appearing.

SANDY  
Guys, my mum’s coming _now,_ so either clean up or get out!

ALISTAIR and JAKE jump up at the same time.

ALISTAIR  
I’ll help clean, Sandy.

ALISTAIR runs in behind her, leaving SANDY and JAKE to stand in awkward silence for a second.

JAKE  
I’ll help too.

SANDY  
[deadpan] You will?

JAKE  
Yeah. Community service, you know?

SANDY smiles tightly and walks in back in, closing the door behind her, leaving JAKE in the darkness. 

_“Left Handed Kisses” by Andrew Bird and Fiona Apple_ starts to play as JAKE takes a deep breath, letting the evening sink in, letting himself finally think about what just happened.

His eyes are closed and he keeps breathing, almost afraid to do anything else. With his white shirt, he almost blends perfectly into the wall behind him. Almost invisible. He reaches up and touches his lips. At the contact of skin, his eyes snap open, and he remembers what he's meant to do.

He puts a smile back on, putting back up the walls, and walks back into the house, closing the door tightly behind him.

_ CUT TO END CREDITS AS THE SONG CONTINUES _

_ CUT TO BLACK _


End file.
